A Better Way To Date
“Think with your head and not with your heart”
That was the advice my mother gave me when I first started dating. I thought she didn’t know what she was talking about because everyone always said, “follow your heart”. But oh, how those heartfelt emotions are so deceiving in order to prove my mother’s point right.
Sometimes the very things we desire are not what are best for us. What you can do is not what you should do. What you want to do is not what you need to do. What your heart yearns for is not what your life is built for. And so, there it is, as I have learned in my dating life: the power of intentionality. I’ve had the quick moment in a store where I had to make a split decision about a man that all I knew him by were his looks, his approach, and yes, he is fine! But then I can hear the Holy Spirit tapping my shoulder. My attention has been distracted and now the real decision is do I go with my feelings or should I be intentional.
Holy Spirit always wins even if I push the battle a little bit just to be sure. Intentionality is not bad. In a world that teaches us to be led by our senses, intentional dating can actually save you some heartache on top of the discipline it takes. The world would have you to believe that you are missing out on potentially “the one” if you don’t play the numbers. But, be honest sis, how is that number game working out for you so far? My dating has gone through different phases to teach me the importance of being disciplined in my date life. As a high school girl, I felt overlooked. In college I spent most of it in a toxic relationship where I did my best to hold on to it because I was scared that I wouldn’t find anyone else. After that I had my wild period. Then when I moved to Atlanta to an entire multitude of successful black men God decided to grab me by the hand and…slow…me…down. It wasn’t always easy, but ultimately, I’ve learned His way is better even when I don’t understand it. When I date with intention, and not my emotions, I’m better equipped to view a relationship as God sees it for me.
I’ve begun to appreciate it more. It takes focus. It takes putting your mind on your purpose more than your loneliness. It means you need to put thought into whether someone even deserves your time for a date. It should push you to think about the long term and not just the wedding day. Because that’s what you deserve. When you desire commitment, it’s not about the quantity, it’s about remembering your standard and seeing the one that still sticks when you stand by it.
No one has stuck out yet for me, but my story is still being written. Keeping my dating time to what is necessary is key to helping me stay focused on my own personal projects that God has on my lap. If a man does not line up with what I have going on then, he can’t line up with me. My focus is not on the companionship of a man, but the purpose we can build together. I didn’t always used to feel this way, but trust me, it’s worth the journey doing it God’s way.
Don’t take my word for it. Pray about it and ask Him to help guide you.
What do you think about intentional dating for yourself?
XOXO,