Living with Regret

There seems to be a level of maturity I have yet to unlock.

Have you seen interviews where someone is asked “what would you change?” “what regrets do you have?” or something of that nature and their response is always “Nothing, it all made me who I am today”.

Ok. I get it. I really do. But really? Nothing! For me, regret has decided to team up with patience this season and chile, they are giving me a run for my money. I can’t catch a break between these two.

In all seriousness, this has been a very tough year for me. I’ve done a lot of healing. And when you dig up things to get better, it tends to get worse before you get to the good parts. So for me regret has been around every corner.

I should have known better.

Left sooner.

Done this.

Said that.

Committed up until here.

Chose this over that.

And it all came rushing even harder when the clock struck 12 and my 35 turned to 36 – there I was… over halfway through my 30’s!

How did I get here and nothing I imagined is even close to happening? I went down a spiral that I’m thankful for family, friends and therapy to help me through. The biggest thing I learned over the past month: that feeling is normal.

Nothing is wrong with me for feeling that way. I thought I was an anomaly hearing all these people say don’t regret it because it’s all part of the journey. No. Nothing is wrong with you either.

But I will encourage you. Don’t be scared of what you feel. Feel it. Process it. Ask why. Where does it come from? And then what can you do moving forward?

You had an expectation that did not get met, and that’s ok.

Because that’s human.

I don’t care how Christian you are, those moments can hurt and it’s ok when they do. You can grieve those missed expectations. But while you grieve, don’t miss what God is also doing in the background. This is a little tricky and I’m talking to myself at the same time because baby… the struggle is real. But when you’re done being stuck in how you feel look at the possibilities of where you can still go. Know that there is strength for you to go forward. Lean into Him because you’re not alone even when you feel alone.

Give yourself grace.

Grieve what you’ve missed.

Gain a new vision.

Realize the scope of true hope.

Begin to believe again for what’s next.

And trust Him with what’s next.

It’s coming. Plus God is in the redeeming business.

Maybe I’ll reach level maturity 20 and be able to say, it was all worth it, in the end. Or maybe I’ll be honest with the story God gave me. And say, I had some regrets, but I also trusted God to be bigger and more powerful than my mistakes. And that, He is, and will always be.