Honoring Your Singleness

Hello daughters I am your big sis, or little sis, Tacaria! From Kingdom Daughters United! 

I was asked by our sister in Christ, Felicia Morgan, to come forth and share with you ladies my words of wisdom on singleness!

I did not always understand my single season so let me tell you where it started:

I was 14, yes 14, and I had a crush on a young man in my grade. I may have been crushing on him for about 3 months until he finally asked me out sometime in December, and OF COURSE, I said “yes”! Now this cute little love story ends quickly because after one week of dating we broke up! Now I wasn’t hurt but I did want answers! So a friend of mine asked him “Why did you guys break up?” Brace yourselves girls, the truth hurts! He said “We were never dating it was a bet” (Yeah I know) “Someone dared me to ask her out and if she said yes I’d receive money” Daughters knowing this broke my heart, I went into the girls bathroom and cried. Now listen it’s alright to cry after a heartbreak but don’t stay in that sorrow for too long! Get up and fix your crown, remind yourself of who you are! In 1 Timothy 6:25 it says “our Father is the king of kings” that means you are of royal blood to God, a King! After that I fixed my crown , got up and prayed. This small prayer changed my life forever. I said “Lord, my heart is broken and I don’t like how it feels, please the next guy that I date please allow him to be my husband” God took those words literally because here I am 10 years later still single. He gave me my Sarah moment, He made me laugh! I went through middle school single and that was fine because I was still young. My heart wasn’t ready and I didn’t need a relationship. Then came High School.

Oueeee Chile, was I boy crazy in high school! I had plenty of crushes, and sadly I remember the exact number of crushes. I had (15) yes, 15 and yet none of those 15 boys liked me. Now I knew I was ready for a relationship! All my female friends would come to me and ask me for relationship advice. My advice was so good and true I adopted the title of “The Love Doctor”. Yes, to this day I still have that title! Now knowing this it affected me those 4 years because it made me believe something was wrong with me. I started to believe I was ugly and fat! But that wasn’t true. Those boys never looked my way because God didn’t want my heart to be broken again! He did it to protect me! And I know a lot of you are going through insecurities so let me tell you a little secret about that. Those are all lies! I have a scripture that talks about how God made you. Remember scripture is God’s word, His word is true and God can’t lie! Take these scriptures for example: Psalm 139:14 lets us know we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Genesis 1:27, Proverbs 3:15 and 31:26 just to name a few about how amazing you look in God‘s eyes. So don’t believe what the enemy tries to tell you.

Alright daughter now to my roaring 20’s haha! During this time my best friend got her first boyfriend and they are still together. I started to envy her because I wanted a relationship too! So I told one of my sisters in Christ about this and how it made me feel and she asked me “Sis what did you look for in a man?” Sis I encourage you today to  make this list!  List the qualities that you want in a man. Need an example? Sure I’ll give you 3 from my list because my actual list is lengthy and between me and God so here it is:

1.) I needed a true man of God, he needed to believe in prayer and attended church

2.) my man needed to take care of himself, his hygiene his clothes his health physically and mentally

3.) I ask that he has financial wisdom. 

Now I would go into detail on why these qualities are important to me but we can save that for later. Once you write your list, ask yourself if you carry these qualities. The man that God has for you will be your missing puzzle piece, the key to your lock. You two will be the same. I mentioned having qualities or standards because I needed to say this! This is important, now  listen and I’ll say it loud for the sisters in the back DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS! 

Sadly, I did.

My last crush was on my coworker at the gym. He had 2 out of the 3 qualities I asked for in a man. 

1.) He came to work dressed and smelled nice! Even at the gym he smelled immaculate! Curly hair popping

2.) His finances were well together. Would buy all his friends dinner and looked amazing outside of work! Had a nice car, lived alone and even gave me budgeting tips! 

BUT, he was lacking one thing, he didn’t believe in going to church. I said to myself no way, Lord this can’t be right. God said he’s not the one. Y’all know this was a no for me but you know what I did? I told God “imma see for myself” While I worked hard for his attention for 2 months, he was entertaining 3 other girls! My coworkers came into work the next few days talking about what happened at their weekend clubbing. They made him talk about the umpire acts he did with one of the girls. I was mind blown and here's why: I believed everyone when they said “you two would be so cute together” “oh my gosh you two would be perfect he needs a good girl like you!” I was hurt and salty too. So you know what I did, I came right back to God. It was that moment where I vowed to stop looking and chasing after these men and to chase after Him instead. Because, how could I ask God to bless me with my own relationship when I didn’t even fix ours? So Daughters I say all of that to say this. During my years I’ve come a long way and I’ve learned a lot of things about myself such as my worth and just how important God should be in my life. I wasn’t close to God so I never heard his voice. If I heard his voice I wouldn’t have went so hard to like my last crush. So I’m telling you all this now. Please

Enjoy your single season. 

1.) build that connect/relationship with God 

2.) Work on you, your dreams and goals

3.) Take care of yourself! I mean your health, hair, skin,nails and even teeth (dental health is important too)

4.) Find a new hobby! Draw, do the canvas painting, read a book, workout, cook a new dish

5.) most importantly daughter, fall in love with yourself. Realize how you look in God’s eyes! Amazing, Strong, Beautiful and so much more!

Another tip! During your single season you may start to look at other couples and feel lonely or wonder when it will be your turn. That’s okay to wonder but also remember this: Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid for the lord your God goes with you, he will not leave you or forsake you” 

Ok, yes I hear you sis, it’s still not enough. So let me leave you with this, it wasn’t until this year I stopped and realized I had the best man taking care of me and doing it better than any man could!

He supplied me with all my needs, gave me more than I can ask or think. He tells me how beautiful I am, how strong and wonderful I am and how much he needs me on this earth. He tells me so many times that He loves me and shows me forever! He truly has my back.

 (Read again and replace the I’s with You)

All the attention I wanted from a man, the warm fishy feeling I had in my heart looking at other couples, He wanted to give me all of that. I didn’t let him in. I paid so much attention to everyone else’s relationship but ours. But not anymore.

Cheers to us and God!

Cheers to His word that reminds us of who we are.

Cheers to our singless!