Break The Cycle
To say that my relationship status this year is frustrating would be an understatement. It. Has. Been. Exhausting. You hear me?
The thoughts wouldn’t quit. They kept running through my head. I’m now 33 and I kept playing out how long he and I would need to date, be engaged, then get married and have kids. Our timeline seemed to be running out rather quickly no matter how I managed it.
Who is he?
Oh, he still doesn’t exist yet. That’s where the frustration keeps arising. A year of being inside and wearing masks while out intensified what was already there.
But God is oh, so sweet, even when He deals a firm hand. After He showed me I was making not only marriage but love an idol I began to really listen.
Who was I kidding anyhow? I had matured a lot but the last time I was asked out on a date my heart immediately started beating and I told God, “I’m not ready”
Mind you, it was just a date! As you can see by this blog it didn’t go far. Nice guy. Not the one.
And me? I learned over the past year I was still holding on to trust issues. Still scared to let my guard down. And the real threat: I had reached a point where I wasn’t even confident in what made me happy.
How in God’s Heavenly plan could I move on to a confident man of God and I didn’t even know myself? I had matured, but I was not whole.
This is not to say you have to be perfect to get someone. I’m just saying for me, part of my problem in the past is I would lose so much of myself in a guy. My heart was easily manipulated because I didn’t even know where I stood in them.
God needed me to break the cycle.
First, surrendering marriage and love. No longer should it be a badge of honor I looked to obtain. But instead an additional bonus in God’s will for my life.
Next, let go of old vows I had made in ignorance. Hear me out cause this is a deep one. Words etched on my heart that I had spoken into relationships that were never meant to be. “You’ll always be in my heart” left no room for something new and even better if not discarded.
Third, realizing that all relationships are risks. Being vulnerable with someone who has the potential to do damage shouldn’t haunt me into worry. After all, this time around I have the power of prayer and God’s discernment to lead me.
Fourth, being ok with my age and timing. Sweating it won’t make me any younger. It most definitely isn’t useful in slowing down the clock. The internal pressure will also cause excuses for the unnecessary if not properly checked.
Last, I had to live life. Put simply, have fun. Discover what you like. Get out of your routine and discover something new. Take a class, write a book, go on a new trip.
Don’t get me wrong. I still think about marriage and how it will be. But, by taking the time to really heal and realize things about myself, I’m more open to better opportunities and who I allow in my life. Healing isn’t a one-stop-shop. As we come into covenant relationships it’s important to not have baggage from the past that we “think” we are over. By at least starting the process you position yourself for better the next time around.
What have you been learning in your single journey?
Married? Drop some keys that could help us out.
download the new 5 Day devotional:
How To Thrive In Your Singleness
Be on the look out for the rest of July! We have some more amazing blogs about handling your single season from others walking the same journey. Stay tuned!
