The Level Up
To settle or mature, that is the question.
I don’t really know why this is a debate. But seeing as I have found myself in this position I can stand up for my celeb sis. (Not that she needs it).
Rapper Slim Thug said that singer Ciara settled for Russell Wilson. So it then raised a question. Can a woman who really was into bad guys turn around and fall in love with the good guy that society labels as “corny”?
I will talk about myself personally. Let’s just say, I used to be with someone who wasn’t by any means a square. He broke my heart...and now i don’t want anything to do with anyone that even looks or sounds like that. It raises a red flag to me. Nothing I’m attracted to now in my thirties compares to what I liked in high school or college.
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”
1 Corinthians 13:11 NIV
I think somewhere in the 90’s girls in my generation got this idea that bad boys are what was in and what you needed. Ride or die girls became the it thing to be in a relationship. You empty all of you to meet up to their expectations and that rebellious attitude you love refuses to change for even you. They do what they want to do when they want to do it.
In my case, I woke up and realized what I desired more than that unbothered swag that made other girls turn in the room, was someone who respected and honored me as much as I did them.
You grow up. You mature yourself. The heart and nature of everything you were looking for in a bad boy package you suddenly realize was in everything you overlooked before. Suddenly you learn to pay more attention to the heart, do his words line up, can he hold a conversation, can he make you laugh for the sake of making you laugh. You rather know what encouragement can he pour into you. How can he lead me, let alone a household? The things you desire in a man change because you change. You realize your self worth and no longer have time for anyone who doesn’t. When a woman is fed up with bad boy ways, there is nothing you can do about it. And it may even effect the whole bad boy nation for her. That’s life!
That is NOT settling, it’s called maturity.
The problem is as human beings we want two extremes mixed into one. Men want the sexy, freak in the bed that is nurturing enough to make home cooked meals every night. Women are just as bad in their ideals, but of course different. We want the loving, romantic man with street credit and smooth swag. The best of both extremes wrapped in one. And when you get older you realize it just isn’t to be the likely case. A man is going to be more of one of the two and you have to decide as a woman what is more important and what is it that you truly, really desire. And desires do change.
I can speak for myself when I say that, the more I looked at the heart, those are the men I became attracted to. And I believe that is the case with Ciara. Especially when you take in the fact that Russell led with God first in their relationship. That’s a whole other realm of God giving you what you didn’t ask for, or previously thought you didn’t deserve, and a much longer blog. But when you surrender your relationship to God, you don’t care about the outside package. You think as God thinks, and God always watches the heart.
I may not know Ciara personally, but viewing from the outside, and as a woman on that same maturity journey myself, I can honestly say, YES, a woman that once desired that bad boy, can learn to adapt her preference and go for the guy that works hard for her heart and not the streets.
And if you think differently, let me know below
Follow me: @iamfeliciamorgan