Embracing Pieces of You

I never knew how frustrating the question, “what do you want” could be until last year.

How can I know what I want? I’m just mentally trying to survive the day! But it was a statement that would appear over and over. I was lost. I don’t even know if lost is the right word. It was confusing and a never-ending whirlwind of emotions. I wasn’t sure of who I was. And if you don’t know who you are surely what you want is an unsolved mystery.

Slowly but surely, with help, I began to put those pieces together. It was a process and if you know one thing about me, I am a product of my culture: I hate the process. I know I’m supposed to enjoy the journey, but I just want to know things will work out in the end with an emphasis on the how. I had made so many mistakes in the past, I was now constantly overthinking how to make good choices. I had to do what God wanted this time. but I kept being asked about what I wanted in conjunction.

Clearly that’s not how my faith worked.

But, as always, God helped me put the pieces together and He was such a gentleman about it. If I wanted to do what God wanted me to do, I also had to be more in tune with who He made me. There’s a purpose for everything and I could no longer ignore me. He wanted me to love what He loves so I could more easily make those choices that would be the best.

If you’ve lost yourself and are gaining your worth back, these 3 things helped me get out of the bed with renewed hope:

1.     Relationships. This is 3 parts. God, myself and my community.

God met me where I was. With my questions, my doubt, my fear, my uncertainty, my new disregard for church, my depression and discontentment. He would lay with me in the bed on mornings I didn’t want to get up. When I had a lot to say. When all I had were tears. And even when I was silent. Even today I’m learning who He truly is outside of the culture of church and He’s meeting me as I renew my relationship with Him.

Me, myself and I. I started spending time with me and it was glorious. Going where I wanted. Trying new places. Learning what I enjoyed. Sitting at home and watching movies with my favorite snacks and not having to share was bliss. This may sound weird to you. You probably read those sentences like, girl what are you talking about! But for a very long time I was overextending myself to other people who took advantage of my natural tendency to serve and please others. To finally make sure I got what I needed first was a new season of understanding and even enjoyment for myself.

Community. God strategically showed me who was in my corner. Also, how to be a better friend to some people I already had in my life well before I entered this hard season. I’m so thankful He did. Because what I was missing before was to be vulnerable with others or even have a good wise sounding board. They’ve made a difference in my life whether it’s encouragement, prayer or to vent.

2.     Strengths.

My therapist asked me to make a list of my strengths when I first started meeting with her. Each day I would end it before going to bed by writing down qualities and unique traits and giftings I had. Learning to not be so hard on myself is still a process but having a long list to refer to has been uplifting. Although I wrote them down in the “I am” form, this wasn’t a list of affirmations I was attempting to manifest about who I wanted to be. This was a list of who I already was! Give yourself credit where it is due today. Practice writing down and reviewing qualities about your personality that you possess naturally. They can be good for you or even how you are a blessing to others. Realizing how incredible I already am takes the pressure off of my personal condemnations. So, if you find yourself being your own worst critic try refocusing on your strengths.

3.      Hobbies.

I had to learn to take my mind off the hustle and bustle I was taught. I couldn’t operate like others and get the best out of me. I was constantly on the paved road of burnout and I didn’t know why. Hobbies like baking, watching movies, and coloring would help me take my mind off work or even my goals and just enjoy the present. It helped to ground me and even reactivate my creative side.

As you put the pieces of yourself back together begin to implement these tips. Learn to strengthen them and work them into your life. They’ll produce hope and restore your faith on what’s next and prayerfully keep you encouraged to keep going in the midst of adversity.

We all go through hard times but having the right perspective and strategy to keep the right one helps us land on our feet once we get through the other side of the storm. I still am not firm on all the things that I want. But by being more in tune with who God created me to be, I know for sure what I don’t want, and I’m beginning to be consistently decisive on what I do want. It’s all a process indeed, and I’m starting to enjoy that part too.

Keep your crown up!